January 2012
9 posts
Dear Stanger who happened to catch my eye,
I have no idea who you are, but your smile was amazing. I’m sorry I was so awkward when you tried to say something to me. I’m not used to it. I haven’t really said much about you due to the circumstances in which I met you, but it would be nice if I could see you again, and maybe get to know you. I’m not asking for anything, just...
December 2011
42 posts
The reason why I’m refusing to let go so easily is because you take me back to how it was almost three years ago. All the happiness and all the pain may be exactly like it was before, and while I know I should let go, I can’t being myself to. Why? I’m not entirely sure myself. I know that the longer I choose to keep you, I’ll receive more pain than happiness. But I simply...
"I once fell in love with someone who played...
He wasn’t amazing, but with the many years he played, it was very pretty. Often times, when we had nothing to do, I’d ask him to play something for me. He was never the type of person who’d openly show off, and many times, he’d violently refuse and ask me why. But regardless, he’d play for me in the end. Familiar video game tunes, foreign pieces, recognizable songs,...
Tired of broken promises. Tired of temporary...
I like being alone.
I like drinking coffee alone, and reading alone.
I like riding the bus alone, and walking home alone.
It gives me time to think, and set my mind free.
I like eating alone, and listening to music alone.
But when I see a mother with her child;
A girl with her lover;
Or a friend laughing with their best friend;
I realize that even though I like being alone
I don’t fancy being lonely.
And I cry myself to sleep.
Being by myself is dangerous. I’m a threat to my own well-being. Being out, attaching myself to so many people who may not even want me there— it’s my salvation; or quite frankly, my escape. No one can comprehend it other than being clingy. No one can ever read past the exterior. I’m crying for attention, for words of consolation. I’m waiting to see if I will ever...
Why can’t you, for once, just be home? When was it okay to give money three days in advance and then just walk away? How am I not lonely when this is how you choose to function the family?
I don't know, but I can't say I'll believe your...
I’m choosing not to talk to you because you make me feel worthless as a friend and a human being. I constantly put you down hoping you’d understand how I feel. I’ve had someone make me feel worthless before. And I don’t need you doing it to me right now, at the time I’m feeling the lowest I’ve been for so long.
I’m such a terrible person.
And the thing is: I don’t want to hate you. But honestly, you’ve been nothing but an immature attention-whore, and I do intend so much as to call you out every chance I get. You constantly complain and bitch about everyone and everything, and the only reason I deal with you is because so many people talk smack about you that I find you pathetic. Yes, I do it out of pity. I care about...
Save me. No one is listening.
Fuck you.
I guess all I was doing was seeking attention. I wanted someone to notice. But no one ever does.
You know, there are times when people do things.
Things they know they’ll regret later.
Later. The word has a huge impact of me.
Later. Take advantage of the time you have.
Right now, I feel like I’d be doing everyone a favor.
But no, I’ll wait to see what later brings.
Put a little fucking faith in me.
I’m doing this for you. Why? Because I want to. Because you’re my best friend. And because I fucking care. I give my word when I give it, especially when it comes to promises. I am not the type of person who will bail on something so important. Besides, who the fuck are you to even doubt my pulling through when all the time, I’ve been able to and you can hardly pull through for...
If my feelings are simply based on how stressed I am, then I wonder when those feelings will finally disappear? Because the only person who’s confused is me, and if I can’t figure this out, I’ll be living with this mess for the next 6 months.
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I know you mean well, believe it. I know it entirely in my heart. I know it’s not entirely your fault all the time. And I appreciate you for who you’ve been in my life.
But how do you expect to believe in you? How do you expect me to trust you completely? Those times when I needed someone and chose to put my faith in you, you were never there. Even the times when you assure me you are...
Some things are simply more easily communicated...
I'll say I'm fine if you want me to. I'll smile if...
1 tag
And she said, “I’m glad you chose to, too.” And I realized that if I had, I would’ve never met her.
I know that regardless of how low I feel, life always gives me reasons to keep living. Maybe I have pain that no one can ease and maybe my outlook will never be the brightest, but happiness exists somewhere. I just have to find it.
Honestly, I don’t feel like I’m worth much. Or anything at all. And you know, you can tell me a hundred or a thousand times the good over the flaws I have, and yeah, it’ll cheer me up. But in the end, I’ll end up feeling like nothing again. Because I exert all this energy into everything I do socially and even in my academics, but my mind chooses to prioritize itself in...
I want to text him "I miss you."
Even though I know he doesn’t miss me back.
Why are you so fucking fake when others are around? I wish the ‘you’ you are around me was the ‘you’ all the time. But I guess there are just some things I can’t change, and some things I can’t accept.
Since when was being bold so socially...
A past reflection with the never disappearing evidence in plain sight.
2 tags